I had absolutely no idea about her ex-husband doing jail time for pederasty, her knowing about it the entire time, his being a vocal proponent of "Greek love" to the point of writing a book about it, nor about her daughter's accusations about her and ongoing conversation in the Talk section of MZB's Wikipedia entry.
A couple of things about that, first, my short stint as a student of Zen taught me that if you're bored, it's because you're not paying attention. If you are truly, really living in the moment, there are an uncountable number of things going on that you could be paying attention to. Things you didn't notice, things you overlooked, things you might learn from, things that are important. There is nothing more important in your life than right now, literally, right now, because it's all you've got.
That's not to say we shouldn't plan for the future or remember and learn from the past. The past is what brought us to right now, and our choices right now help determine our future.
The second thing is, everything is a tradeoff. Everything. It's just a law of nature - the second law of thermodynamics. If one foregoes a commitment with someone they care about, because they just don't want to be tied down, they're missing out on what that commitment feels like. They're missing out on any benefit or pleasure, and yes, pain and detriment, that it may bring. Instead, they have picked the complementary pains and pleasures of a different sort of life. I think a lot of people who make these kinds of choices aren't really thinking about it in these terms. Do people really understand what they're giving up when they make one choice over another? I think they aren't really thinking about it at all. I think most people make these choices before they're even aware, and they come up with the reasons after the fact.
I'm also thinking that even if they were made aware of all this, it wouldn't change anything. But the fact remains, no matter what choice you make, you're always missing out on something.
One of the characters, who's just slept with her married American FBI handler, promises that she is not going to hurt him, it's just this once and she won't use it against him. Then she adds, "For you Americans, everything is black and white. For us, everything is gray."
I thought, "that's precisely the problem." When everything is gray, there are no lines to cross. Everything can be inched just a little further, a little further, always rationalized a little bit more, until one day you take a good, honest look at yourself, or your organization, or whatever other purpose you thought you were serving, and you wonder how the hell you ended up here. It's not a slippery slope, it's a frog in a pot of boiling water way to lose one's integrity. I know because I've been there. I think most adults have been there to one degree or another, in one situation or another.
Everything can't be gray. We need to decide where to draw a line, to call something black or white. There is even a term for that, old enough that it's in Latin: "de facto". It means close enough that it's almost indistinguishable from the real or official thing. If you wait for 100% clarity, 100% purity of shade, you are going to make yourself and those around you very miserable, because you'll be waiting forever and you'll be doing some pretty damaging, sketchy, screwed up things in the meantime.
We all draw our lines in different places. There are some lines that practically everyone does not cross, or that practically everyone wants to cross, on the other end of the spectrum. The point is to draw it and stay on the right side, to have convictions and have the courage to stick to them.
What I strongly object to is: "all bodies are good bodies," "I really believe that health can be at any size," and the subsequent, apparent belief that everyone ought to view all bodies as beautiful. Saying that size is uncoupled from health, or that health is uncoupled from perception of beauty is demonstrably wrong; how is health possible, for example, if one cannot get out of their bed? No strength of belief can overcome the laws of physics underlying biomechanics. Overwhelmingly, research has documented serious long term health effects from a BMI over 30. There is also well-established, cross-cultural research showing that certain ideas about physical attraction - facial and body symmetry, color of whites of eyes, and hip:waist ratio are not only cross-cultural, but related to overall health, resistance to disease and parasites, and reproductive fitness.
Attraction, for me, diminishes with increased size, and there is a point past which I will never find that person attractive. I reject out of hand the idea that there is something wrong with me for that. I don't believe that what we're attracted to is something we can easily, if ever, change. Just as other people's health is their business, what type of person one enjoys looking at or finds sexually attractive is their business. Like sexual orientation, it can't be coerced or consciously controlled, so it shouldn't be demanded or dictated.
None of the above precludes pathological perceptions of beauty. It also doesn't deny that different bodies can support different relative sizes and weights and still be healthy by medical measures, however, the facts have long proven that every body has its limits - both upper and lower.
The author seems fairly young; she looks under 30. When I was in my early 30s and 195 lbs at 5'7", I felt like I wasn't that big, and that my bones were strong. I strenuously played hockey once or twice a week. However, once I lost weight, I realized how much I'd been rationalizing my behavior patterns and diet, and how hard my body had been working and straining to carry that extra 40 pounds around. At the same time, my paternal grandmother was 100 lbs. overweight at 5'4", and spent the last 15 years of her life literally wishing she would "go ahead and die," couldn't see, couldn't cross the room without stopping to catch a breath, who was increasingly crippled by disease caused by poor diet and lack of exercise, which helped cause her obesity and which in turn prevented her from exercising. She suffered - greatly - from macular degeneration, spinal osteoarthritis, sleep apnea, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes and its complications, and could not bathe herself from the last ten years of her life. Her condition also put an enormous emotional and physical strain on my grandfather from trying to care for her. The lesson for me was obesity and the factors that contribute to it are NOT something to carry into one's old age. Do not tell me it is not about the obesity and that it is only about the health behaviors. Once she was 70+ years old and obese, her mobility and exercise options became severely limited, and this in turn severely limited her ability to manage her health. She also refused to change her diet and other habits, and continued to gain weight.
I cannot abide rationalizing being obese just because it's the opposite of a too-thin standard promoted by Hollywood. There is a wide, realistic, healthy, fact-based and achievable middle ground in there that is being rejected, and any time people suggest that weight has anything to do with their health, there's a chorus of voices that twist it into meaning they think everyone should be a size 0. All bodies are not "good" bodies, in the sense of being healthy bodies, health cannot be achieved at literally "any size," and to believe either of things things is delusional. Being obese will either bring one to an early grave, or make one wish it had.
* Health implications of obesity.
* Morbidity and mortality associated with elevated body weight in children and adolescents.
* The Disease Burden Associated with Overweight and Obesity
* Excess Body Weight:
An Underrecognized Contributor to High Blood Cholesterol Levels in White American Men
* Lumbar disc degeneration more likely in overweight and obese adults
* Obesity and Obstructive Sleep Apnea
* The Rules of Attraction in the Game of Love
I have been increasingly thinking that men who make these threats must be violent natured people who don't understand anything but a show of force, and that this kind of shit wouldn't happen if they thought women could or would kick their asses. This kind of behavior is a clear intimidation tactic to keep women in their perceived place, and outright threats of violence aren't the only way it's done either.
The more subtle intimidation tactic is overtly sexual gestures and comments at women walking down the street alone. Those men may not even realize what they're doing, but what they're doing is treating women as property, and any woman walking down the street alone is unclaimed property who can be "claimed" in one way or another, and treated any way they feel like. The message of this disgusting behavior is that we shouldn't be walking around unaccompanied by a male and/or if we are, it's because we're looking to have sex with one.
Maybe women across the board should start pushing back - hard.
Rebar kicks off the spring season of COMMONspace by exploring the role of public space in supporting the physical needs of the overworked, over-caffeinated downtown population. The Nappening will create a safe and comfortable indoor snoozing environment with attendants standing by to wake you for your next meeting, fostering an emergent sleep event in the midst of the workday. By repurposing architectural spaces designed around economic activity, the Nappening broadens the definition of prosperity and initiates a grass-roots claim on new spatial and social territory. So skip that second double shot and turn off your phone---because sometimes a good nap is all you need.
Just going from the comments, this post was written with no sense of irony or intentional humor whatsoever.
OMG, I need a nap soo bad. We have a nap/lactation room here that I want to use sooo badly today but I'm afraid to ask for the code. I've only been here 3 weeks. What do you think?
Two things occur to me - You're tired and you really need a nap, and you're such a freak you are "afraid to ask for the code"? Or, does the company really have it just to say they have it, but they really don't want employees using it and make you ask for the code, so that everybody knows you are a) goofing off, you loser or b) you are about to go and privately do stuff with your b00bs.
Unfortunately, I do not retain financial records that far back, so I cannot help you regarding whether any ISOs I may have exercised were sold during the time period to which you refer, and I do not recollect the dates even approximately.
Please regard this as my last and only response on this matter.